Behind every Zoom call and Slack thread is a cast of characters straight out of a sitcom. From the meeting overlords to the buzzword slingers, we’ve all seen them, and probably fit into one of the categories below.
This blog is a lovingly sarcastic look at the classic corporate personas that make the 9-to-5 world both hilarious and mildly unhinged. No job title is safe, and yes, we’re judging (but with a smile)! All images and descriptions were built with ChatGPT.
1. The Slacker
AKA: The Ghost Employee
Hasn’t completed a task since Q3 of 2022 but somehow still shows up in every team photo.
Laptop always open, tabs always empty.
2. The Talker
AKA: The Meeting Extender
Doesn’t contribute to projects, only conversations.
Will derail a 15-minute stand-up into a TED Talk about absolutely nothing.
3. The WFH Warrior
AKA: “I’m More Productive at Home”
Camera’s always off. Background always “connecting.”
Their idea of multitasking is folding laundry during a quarterly review.
4. The Brown-Noser
AKA: The Boss Whisperer
Knows the manager’s Starbucks order, blood type, and dog’s birthday.
Miraculously “volunteers” for all high-visibility tasks—right after someone else does the work.
5. The Overachiever
AKA: The Burnout in Progress
Replies to emails at 11:59 PM “just to stay ahead.”
Probably has color-coded spreadsheets for their lunch break.
6. The Meeting Addict
AKA: Calendar Connoisseur
Has 11 meetings a day and nothing to show for it.
Thinks brainstorming is a deliverable.
7. The IT Guy Who Hates Everyone
AKA: The Cable Goblin
Talks in acronyms, loathes printers, and laughs when you say, “It’s not working.”
Default response to any ticket: “Have you tried restarting?”
8. The Office Parent
AKA: The One With the Emergency Snack Drawer
Knows your birthday, reminds you to hydrate, and passive-aggressively scolds you for leaving the microwave dirty.
HR by day, therapist by lunch.
9. The Social Butterfly
AKA: The Walking Slack Channel
Knows every office gossip before it hits the grapevine.
Would attend a Zoom happy hour during a hurricane.
10. The Procrastinator
AKA: Last-Minute Legend
Starts every sentence with “I was just about to…”
Gets a rush from turning things in 3 minutes before the deadline — and somehow still asks for an extension.
11. The Vendor Flirt
AKA: The Free Lunch Loyalist
Will switch tech stacks for a steak dinner.
They “strategically evaluate solutions” based on how good the happy hour is.
12. The Single One
AKA: The Brunch Story Machine
Walks in late every Monday with a latte and a hangover, ready to recap 72 hours of chaos.
Your marriage is stable, but their weekend was HBO-level drama.
13. The Buzzword Bot
AKA: The Synergy Summoner
Speaks only in corporate jargon.
“I think we need to pivot the paradigm to leverage some cross-functional alignment.” Huh?
14. The Late One
AKA: The Time Traveler Who’s Always 10 Minutes Behind
Arrives to every meeting like it’s a surprise party thrown in their honor.
Swears their “calendar didn’t update,” but somehow posts vacation pics in real-time.
Has a PhD in just-missed-it and is on a first-name basis with “Sorry I’m late.”
If punctuality were a KPI, they’d be on a performance plan… last quarter.
15. The Remote Multitasker
AKA: The Zoom Phantom
Camera off, mic muted — allegedly in every meeting.
If their kid isn’t sick, their Wi-Fi mysteriously is.
Which one was your favorite corporate persona representation?
Did I miss any that you would like to see added here too?
